Holding space for slaves. What does this mean? How can I as a Master hold space for my slave? In the traditional sense, ‘Holding Space‘ for someone means staying engaged and present with them while they undergo a process of self-inquiry and discovery of truth.
I believe that it is both necessary and essential for Masters to learn to hold space for their slaves in such a way that the slave continues to grow, continues to evolve and maintains their enthusiasm and dedication. What started me to thinking about this was a number of things that happened recently – I was reading the foreword of a book that we are talking about on my Master’s yahoo group – its The Control Book in which the author talks about why we do what it is that we do.
According to Peter Masters a Dominant is someone who seeks simply to take and use control over a submissive. A submissive seeks to give up control and be controlled by a Dominant. Control is the key – he also states in comparing M/s to D/s that a Dominant controlling a submissive is an exercise in want on the part of both parties, but in a M/s dynamic the control taken and used by the Master and also received and given by the slave are an exercise of NEED. On some level Masters need control..and slaves need to be controlled as well. I thought this was an interesting viewpoint, it did however bring me to another question which on the surface you might either think is obvious or assumed; what about the issue of personal pleasure and fulfillment with regard to the exercise of control taken and used on the part of the Master and received and/or given by the slave? Is it about sex, for instance? Certainly sex is one avenue to pleasure, and an important and essential one for many of us. WIITWD is full of sexual pathways to pleasure. But I’ve always felt that for me the exercise of taking and using control also gives me a tremendous sense of satisfaction internally – its difficult for me to describe that sense of satisfaction in any other way than to say it is also feeling of pleasure, or pleasurable in nature. Combine sexual pleasure to the pleasure of exercising control and Im in heaven basically – but I’ve always felt that sexual pleasure and the pleasure I get from exercising or taking control are two different things.
Obedience is the foundation of the Master/slave relationship. As I’ve heard others, most recently Master Skip say – deliberate disobedience will almost always irreparably shatter the relationship. The other side of this coin is that if the Master does not provide regular opportunities for the slave’s obedience, the relationship can suffer as well. As I’ve noted earlier, in my experience I find that the pleasure I receive from taking and using or exercising control in my relationships is fulfilling to me. My slave finds fulfillment in responding to the exercise of that control. So it follows that as the slave lives and operates in response to our Mastery, it is incumbent upon us as Masters to be vigilant concerning the timing and frequency used to provide opportunities for obedience.
I was talking to my slave about some goals that I had outlined for her and as we continued to discuss the volume of things that she does on a daily basis she brought to my attention that she definitely feels differently about everyday activities and chores depending on how I’ve directed her. More specifically she feels differently if she cleans the floor because I’ve told her to clean the floor, or if I’ve been specific about how and when I want the floor cleaned in such a fashion, than if no directive at all is given concerning the floor. What would normally be a mundane activity now becomes interesting. Why is cleaning a floor then an interesting experience? I believe that her diligence in the task and the excellence of the outcome is directly related to her sense of being obedient to my wishes. As we talked more she told me that she felt that she didn’t have the energy that she used to and was feeling tired more often, even though she still felt a strong desire to perform at a level that would be pleasing to me – I realized that this didn’t have anything to do with how many hours of sleep she had received, exercise, good nutrition or taking vitamins, even though all of those were things that I have in the past had opinions about and had associated directives attached to them.
I had to admit to myself that although things were still happening in my house in a positive fashion and things were getting done, I had gotten too comfortable in many areas – there were too many things in the ‘automatic’ column – where my namaste was doing things because it was necessary that they be done, and not necessarily as a direct response to my Dominance. Let me be clear here and say that there is absolutely nothing wrong in my estimation with a slave that takes the initiative and is both willing and able to jump in and figure out what needs to be done and just ‘take care of business’ as it were. My namaste is a virtual wizard at domesticity and has mentored a number of slaves in the hows and why’s of domestic excellence. I’ve always said she was at least part faerie, not only because of the magic she performs in this regard, but also because of her near constant energy and enthusiasm and love for life. She literally sparkles with energy at times. So while my house is beautifully maintained, one would think that I would have nothing to complain about. But what attracted my attention to this area was the fact that this wasn’t the first time she’s mentioned feeling more than a little tired. That was a concern to me.
As I thought more about it, the words she spoke resonated with me “I feel more energized when Im doing something that you want done, than I do if Im just doing something that needs doing, or something that I feel needs to be done.” Now let me state clearly that I do not wish to become a household micro-manager, giving everything the proverbial white glove treatment when I come home. Additionally, in my business I travel often, and there are many things that need doing on a daily basis that need doing whether or not Im physically present to monitor the outcome.
I have directed her to compile a list of things that she does somewhat automatically in our home so that I can review these activities. What am I going to do with such a list? I am going to review each activity and Im going to figure out how to ‘reframe’ that specific action for my slave in terms that reflect my Dominance in her direction. For example, she routinely sweeps the entryway to our house. This is something that is done because she always does it. I’ve never felt the need to issue a particular directive concerning it because there hasn’t been a need – if I do not look at this as an opportunity to engage my slave. The entry way is generally clean so there’s really been nothing to attract my notice there to be honest. However, there is still an opportunity there because it is something that she routinely does and believes is important.
There may be literally a hundred things that similarly need doing around the house that would fall under this umbrella. How can these activities be ‘reframed’? For example my way of reframing the cleaning of the entryway would be like this; “The gateway to our house is the first thing any in our family see upon returning home at the end of the day. Make sure the floor in this area is clean and free of debris, dust and dirt on a regular basis. If I was going to be even more specific, I would add; sweep this area at least 3 times a week and use the swiffer mop on it once weekly.
My plan is to go through the entire list so that each of the areas that previously had not been receiving any attention from me is reframed to cover a specific directive or expectation of her. We will sit down periodically for my general review and commentary on all of the items on the list. The purpose for this activity is that she needs to be aware that these things do not escape my notice and that when she gets down to work on them, she is now doing them for Me, not just performing the activity to get it done or merely because it needs doing. I am taking that activity and holding space for her – providing a safe container for that activity and therefore elevating it from the mundane to the special.
To revisit concerning holding space – this can also be an act of maintaining a ‘safe container’ for someone else. I’ve read of it being a spiritual exercise in which a higher consciousness, a high vibrational field, is invoked and maintained. So what is that like for me? I see myself sitting down and when Im in the process of writing out a clear directive for her, Im envisioning her in my minds eye carrying out that task with as much clarity as I can and also with positive good intentions as well. I see her smiling and radient in my mind as she goes to perform whatever it is that I’ve directed. Im also mindful – conscious of what it is that Im asking for and my intention in writing it down is clarity of focus – I also ‘see’ her performing the task to perfection as well. Can everyday activities like sweeping and mopping and dusting, or washing and hanging clothing be opportunities for enlightenment? I believe its possible. But lets say a Master wants to do this and remains skeptical, for those Masters that are not about ‘The Woo’ – even if one doesnt believe in the notion of higher consciousness or any sort of vibrating field, I would offer this; At the root I believe that most Masters want those under their charge to do well, to achieve the best and highest in whatever activity they are commanded to do. If that is true, then I believe that the act of merely taking the time, being mindful and present when we outline our directives can go a long way toward affecting the slave receiving that Word positively.
When I as Master am conscious of my commands and directives, when I deliberately envision and direct my intention toward my slave in this way, by putting pen and ink on paper and the act of creating a list of things to do – I is my belief that I invest some of my energy in each command, in each directive – this can be an exercise of higher consciousness.
My direction or command to wash or clean or put away or organize strikes a responsive chord in my slave. The responsive chord that is struck within the heart of the slave invests her response to that command with energy as well. This opportunity for obedience serves both to energize the relationship and also give her pleasure. Yes, these are all things that she needs to do anyway, for the well being of our House, but by holding space for her in this way I believe I put a plug in the bottom of her metaphysical energy bucket, so more of her personal energy stays present for my use and enjoyment. Without that application of intention on my part, these day to day activities can become rote, mundane, dull and boring and as a result begin to drain energy instead of being an energizing force.